At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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