hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
