so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
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I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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