No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I AM VODKA MAN
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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