She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
