So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
