Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
