Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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