What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
