Church boner. Awkwardddd
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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