elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
