are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
