did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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