Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.

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(630): So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless. http://tfl.nu/sjt0

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(815): View more from Illinois

This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.

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(815): This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing. http://tfl.nu/2ksa

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.

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(612): Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery. http://tfl.nu/hvee

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(304): View more from West Virginia

she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..

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(304): she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously.. http://tfl.nu/exbf

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

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(717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff

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(319): View more from Iowa

I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.

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(319): I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/jqgl

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(949): View more from California

We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.

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(949): We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom. http://tfl.nu/b4pt

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(206): View more from Washington

This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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(206): This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate http://tfl.nu/vfhs

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(512): View more from Texas

Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?

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(512): Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning? http://tfl.nu/pcyg

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(207): View more from Maine

Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????

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(207): Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport???? http://tfl.nu/yffg

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(812): View more from Indiana

Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts

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(812): Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts http://tfl.nu/1kvs

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco

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(920): I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco http://tfl.nu/0jwt

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.

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(502): Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home. http://tfl.nu/5iun

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(540): View more from Virginia

Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.

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(540): Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot. http://tfl.nu/omko

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.

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(304): I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here. http://tfl.nu/t14q

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