He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.