Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
