wrigley field is MILF paradise
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
