I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize