I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We don't watch enough power rangers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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