Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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