I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
