I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
