When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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