so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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