mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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