I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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