if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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