All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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