why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
