My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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