I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
