I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
