hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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