I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
