p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
