no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
