if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
