butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
