some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
