11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
