I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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