smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
