Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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