Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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