I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
