It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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