dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
