I CAN MOONWALK!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
