yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
