Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
