Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
