This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
