oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.