Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)