im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.