he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Houston, we have a blender
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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