Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT