I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
