wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
