Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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