the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
