I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i black out too much to be "responsible"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
