yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.