Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?