hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.