What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
