I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.