he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
