I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I forget how to act sober
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
