whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize